If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
