Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
