So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
