I faked an abortion last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
