This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
