i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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