Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
