you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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