Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you never un-have a 4some
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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