You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
