Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
