I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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