Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You are a booty call, not a friend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize