i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
