they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
