I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
