I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
