He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
