Where did you get a picture of my penis
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
