Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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