i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize