so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
