Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
