Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
