I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
