What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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