I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
