There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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