So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
