so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
