sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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