you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
