So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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