It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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