Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
