Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
