You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
