So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
