So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
