Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
