"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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