I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
