this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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