textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
