coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
