my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
