Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
