i already hear my dad disowning me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
