Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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