Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
