Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
