What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Drake has all the answers
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
