are you still at the devil's house?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
