I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize