I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
