i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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