I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
