No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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