My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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