my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
