i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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