Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
