The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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