eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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