Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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