My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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