I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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