You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
