i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
